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I am in desperate need!

  • Nov. 8th, 2008 at 2:16 AM

I want your addresses!

That way I can send you mail while I'm gone at Basic Training for 13 weeks.

ESPECIALLY if you want to make plans or arrangements for when I'm down from Dec. 20th to Jan. 2nd.

If you're reading this, saying, "Oh, I'm sure he doesn't want to hear from me/Oh, he already has my address/Oh, he won't have time to send ME mail... etc. etc." DO IT ANYWAY!

I would love to hear from all of you.

Love you all, wish me luck.
 

I just had a realization

  • Nov. 2nd, 2008 at 8:11 PM

I haven't really used this thing in a long while just for the sake of using it, you know? Just to get my thoughts somewhere concrete. I think I've neglected to recognize in the recent past how important that is, for me. I've been using this more or less as a way to communicate with a bunch of friends in a quick and efficient manner.

I realize I probably shouldn't have any secrets from you people. But I do. And I'm going to continue to use it as a mass commnication device, but I'll try to personalize it a little more. I promise.

Anyway, here's a bit more of a detailed outline of what exactly is going to be happening in my near future.

I go to the processing station and I swear in starting tomorrow. It's in Tampa. I went there last week and my recruiter said to himself, "Gee, it'd probably be one of the greatest Ideas ever to sign and date this important medical document on two separate dates, even though if I do that my recruit won't be able to process!"

So I basically just got a free night at a hotel, a little video games, some conversation with some young dudes with scary futures like myself. They woke us up at nearly four thirty in the morning, drive us to this little testing station, this little Asian man yelled at us, and then they told me that I can't do my physical today, that I'd have to come back later on. So I woke up my recruiter by calling his cell phone at like, six in the morning on a Saturday. I have no remorse.

I go back tomorrow, do the whole process over again, sit in a bus, a rickety, scary bus that an angry old man drives for four hours or so because we have to stop at every recruiting station on the way to Tampa to pick up other recruits, and then stay in the hotel for the night. After we sleep they wake us up at four in the morning, get us on a bus, and shuttle us to the actual MEPS (military entrant processing station). Hopefully this time we won't run into any problems. Maybe we will run into some animals or something. That would be sweet.

After that, I'm basically working out like MAD until I ship out. I ship out from that same processing station on the 18th. I catch a bus from there that goes up to Fort Jackson, SC. That's where I have basic training.

Basic lasts roughly eight weeks, most of the time. For me, because I get two weeks off for Christmas, it's a little longer. More like 13. After boot camp is over, I go to AIT, essentially training for the job that I'll eventually have. The job I will eventually have is working on TV style broadcasts using a studio camera, learning all of the systems involved with it, all that jazz. Like I said in the last entry, I'll be a glorified cameraman. I study how to do that for 27 weeks. AIT is in Fort Meade, just south of Baltimore. This is unbelievably good news as I have a friend that I love very much going to school at Georgetown University in Washington, DC. This was a remarkably lucky turn of events, for us, as we've always lived a country's length away and it's always been really hard to get together.

Anyway, after AIT, who knows. I get deployed, maybe, I get to choose where I want to be stationed, maybe, a number of things can happen.

The reason I picked the job I did is because it was the most enjoyable, least combat-oriented, and shortest commitment time job I could get. The reason I wanted a shorter term is because there are more rewarding jobs for people who can get TOP SECRET security clearance or SECRET security clearance, whereas I can only get basic security clearance, because I have a felony charge on my record.

There's a bunch of bullshit going on there I won't even get into.

But they come to me 24 months prior to the end of my commitment and ask what I want to do in the future, they write up a new contract, and I then fufill the terms of that, nullifying the old one. So that means that I'll only have to serve for one year doing something trivial, I will have proven myself an asset and when I re-enlist I can get those jobs that require a security clearance.

So that's the plan, right now. Serve a year, re-enlist with a longer term and serve that doing something exciting and challenging with better benefits and pay scale and bonuses and all that.

Lets try something else!

I had a pretty brilliant time this weekend. I ended up visiting with Rick and Shawna, two of my closest friends, who were in town from Gainesville and Athens, GA respectively. We met at Travis Brooks' house. He's also a remarkably cool dude. I love haning out with him. Victoria was with me, it was a good time. We went to Chillis and hung out for a bit and then I bid them all adieu to head to a costume party at Kaleigh's new place.

This party was, as they say, off the heezy. It was awesome, and I bumped into some people there that I hadn't talked with in a long time, who were remarkably cooler than I remember. Alex Peak was one of these guys. I met a traveling custom jewler/stand up comedian named Davis with a huge fucking shark tattooed on his back. Cool guy. Also, I got to hang out with Kaleigh all day today, which was a much needed thing. I have missed her dearly.

Anyway, I ended up not sleeping that night, even after having gotten pretty drunk, so I'm going to go ahead and rest, as I have to be up pretty early tomorrow morning to do the thing with the angry people who make me do things I don't wanna do.
 

I'm in the Army.

  • Oct. 30th, 2008 at 6:34 PM

That's right, I'm a soldier, now. It's official. I ship out on the 18th of November. I'm basically a glorified cameraman. I plan on pulling a Maynard and going for a few years then moving somewhere where I can get back into music.

Wish me luck.

Probably due to me going into the military.

  • Oct. 3rd, 2008 at 12:17 AM

So I don't understand, really, how dinosaurs and zombies are such frequent occurances in my dreams these days. I swear, I don't dwell on them during the day, I don't obsess over these things, in fact they're on my mind very very little, in comparison to other things. But alas, they come out in my dreams.I don't understand. )
So yeah, then I woke up.

What the fuck.

Ignorance and Hypocrisy

  • Sep. 26th, 2008 at 11:53 PM

They seem to be the primary paints on the pallet  used to portray this nation's grand design.

I can't understand how people can get so impassioned, so empowered, so violent, using these things about which they know nothing as fuel for their fire.

I don't know anything about either presidential candidate. When you ask me my opinion, I'll tell you I have none, because I don't really believe I know enough about either side to make an informed decision. However it seems to me that people are basing more of their opinions, the ways in which they define themselves and wish to define the world around them, on what essentially amounts to nothing.

At least I admit I know nothing. You pick up your nothing like it's a fucking weapon, like it's a birthright, like it's an absolute truth handed down from on high for you to use to show everyone how wrong they are, like a tool to make yourself not feel so small and powerless.

And it extends farther than just the political spectrum, but the issue has made itself blindingly obvious as of late.

Sep. 22nd, 2008

  • 8:29 PM

I just typed this dream out to Rick, the other person in the dream, so I'll just transpose it here.

Dinosaurs seem to be a theme. So does Rick. Hm. )

And then I woke up.

Lucid Dreams

  • Sep. 19th, 2008 at 7:25 AM

So I guess paying such close attention to my dreams recently has paid off, as I've just successfully had one of the first lucid dreams I've ever had in my life. It was pretty amazing.

Lucid Dream! )
So this dream was largely a success, and I didn't even try to become self-aware! It just happened! I'm thinking about really experimenting with lucid dreaming now, I'm really excited about it! I'll let you guys know how it goes! =D

Sep. 17th, 2008

  • 9:25 PM

More dreams, yeah, you love it. )



Then I woke up.

No can do, Mr. Turner!

  • Aug. 31st, 2008 at 7:24 PM

What pisposh. )


Then I woke up.


Seven four. In a chorus? Way!

I've been walking something like four or five miles a day for the last few days. Hopefully this little bout of wanting to stay in shape will hang around longer than it usually does. Maybe long enough to make it a habit! *crosses fingers and grins hopefully*

I'll be in Gainesville from after I'm done writing this until Sunday evening, sometime. I don't have an internet connection there, so if you can't find me, that's why.

I'm about to go to the library. It's going to be awesome.

For the record, I had another crazy fucking dream two nights ago but was unable to remember the majority of it, all I do remember is being confused for an agent a la The Matrix and having someone who looked vaguely like Naiobi attack the shit out of me, but I put her in a meat grinder. She escaped, somehow, but I put her in it. Dani's dad built a race car that, if you weren't sitting it it, had so much thrust it would fly. And he wanted me to help show it off or something.

My spell check only worked up until half way through the last paragraph... odd.

I went to a Twistee Freeze with my sister last night, a stand-alone ice cream joint off of I-Drive that's shaped like an ice cream cone. We bumped into a guy and his wife and their kid who were enjoying some weird kind of ice cream soup. They ended up being really cool people. I was wearing a Rage Against the Machine shirt that Rick gave me a long time ago cuz it's WAY too big on him and this guy randomly speaks up and says "I like your shirt." I say thanks, and we go from there. The three of us, including his spouse, ended up talking for about half an hour about music. Cool people.

Anyway, i gotta pack for this weekend, so I'll catch you groovy cats on the flipside.

I'm ok with that, i think. There's nothing really exciting happening in my life right now, so it's all good. Hopefully my insomnia inspired sleep "schedule" will provide enough craziness to be entertaining, on some level. Anyway, here's
this one. )

Then I wake up.

I had another dream recently I'd like to put in here for posterity's sake.
So yeah! That's that.

Aug. 16th, 2008

  • 3:52 AM

I've listened to Incubus way too much for way too long.
My guitar just fell over on me like my drunk sister falls on her boyfriend.
My guitar should sober up a little bit. And maybe not be so pushy, I mean, shit, I've been playing it for like four days straight.
Most guys would call this kind of behaviour clingy.
Fucking needy guitar.
You hurt my fingers!

The livejournal suggestion today to cure writers block is to talk about what the symbolism is behind India celebrating their independence day with kites and us celebrating ours with explosives. I'm not going to comment on that other than to say this: lol

I decided to start playing guitar more seriously as I won't be able to take a drum kit with me in the Navy as I won't be living on land.

Anyway, I'ma get back to playing guitar. She NEEDS ME!

Here

  • Jul. 31st, 2008 at 8:24 AM

We all know the place. The one I haven't moved from in like, 12 years.

Anyway, that'll be changing soon.

New regulation just passed within the Navy barring applicants with criminal records containing a felony less than three years old. My three year mark is in one month. How fucking lucky, right? Like, the week that I'm supposed to process and whatnot, I get thrown into this mess and I end up leeching off of everyone for a month longer than planned. BUT it is only for one month, so that's cool.

Anyway it looks like I'll be here through December, probably through the first of the year and my birthday in early January, if I'm lucky. I'd really hate to have a birthday in the great lakes in January while in boot camp. That would not make for a very festive time at all.

Been listening to a LOT of good music recently. Trying not to stay stuck on the same old good stuff and get out there and listen to new good stuff as well.

My two most recent bands that I've been crushing on are Mr. Bungle and The Sound of Animals Fighting.

Damn webcomics. Damn them to hell. You too, Mattie. This is your fault!

I'm about to put a bunch of random stuff behind a cut.


And all that mess would have cluttered up your friends page, and I hate when that shit happens to me. So I figured I wouldn't inflict that upon you.

Jul. 27th, 2008

  • 4:00 AM

So I mixed this:
with this:
tonight and it was amazing.

Update

  • Jun. 26th, 2008 at 3:48 AM

Just letting everyone know that I still have not taken the ASVAB and that I probably won't until about the second week of next month.

Then three months from that day is roughly when I go to basic. Hopefully.

Aside from that, still no job, still no car, still lots of nothing.

But I've started really working out. Jumping rope and running and swimming laps and practicing lacrosse with my sister and old martial arts drills and shit. So that's good.

Other than that, and a short film I'm making with someone, nothing much has been going on.

Just figured I'd update everyone on my current status.

Clarification

  • Jun. 11th, 2008 at 10:08 PM

I decided to join a branch of the U.S. Armed Forces because I can't really keep my life together. I seem to have no self drive, no motivation, no sense of discipline, no ethics, really. I made a few bad choices, a few people decided to fuck me over. It ended with me not being able to financially support myself, I'm still in a little debt, actually, but my parents offered to take care of it all for me if I considered going into the military. They've been pushing it for years. I can't seem to keep myself together, and hopefully they'll instill some sense of structure in me. Which, yeah, is kind of a cop out, depending on someone else to institute that for me, when really I should be dealing with my own problems, but you know. I'm weak.

I decided to go into the Navy because they were the most academically oriented and least career oriented. I'm not joining the Navy because I love my country (don't get me wrong, I do love this country) or because I want to blow little brown people into smithereens; I'm joining because the Navy has the most real-world jobs of any of the branches of the military and they want to pay for all of my schooling. I don't want to be in the Navy forever, I'm not doing this for the service aspect of it, I'm doing it to get what I can get out of it, and move on. I'm asking what my country can do for me.
I decided to go into the Nuke program because it has the best salary, and quite frankly that's the only reason I'm doing this. I mean, fuck, if you're selling out as heavily as I am, why half-ass it, right? I figure the Nuke program will provide the best jobs after I'm out of the military. And yeah, it requires a top level security clearance, so they'll be doing a FULL fuckin background check. I've been pretty reassured that the one incident in high school will not be a huge deal as it was something that happened when I was a minor. They'll probably look into it, maybe interview me about it or something, but it shouldn't impede things too heavily.

If you guys have any more questions, drill me.

So here's the deal people.

  • Jun. 7th, 2008 at 7:07 PM

Basically here's what's happening:

I'm joining the Navy. I'm pretty sure we've all established this.

I'm currently waiting to take the ASVAB. It's their basic entrance test. You have to get above a 35 to pass. I took it a few years ago and got like, a 97 out of 99 or something ridiculous like that. Which essentially ensures me whatever job I want.

They're pushing Nuclear Engineering, which would be amazing.

Lots of money.

The only hitch right now is trying to straighten out some paperwork involving what happened when I got expelled at Winter Springs High for tagging the walls of the courtyard in my Junior year.

I'm looking to take it this week sometime, probably Thursday, then Friday I meet with a counselor and pick my path in the Navy. That's when they assign me a leave date.

I'll be going through Basic Training, which is nine weeks long, right outside of the Great Lakes in Illinois. Then It's off to South Carolina, hopefully, to go to school for a few years. Everything is kind of up in the air right now, though.

Other than that, I'm living at my parent's house right outside of Universal Studios, like, literally two miles away. I don't have a car or other mode of transportation or a job. I'm going to be getting a job as soon as I've taken the ASVAB because that happens in Tampa and I don't know exactly when it's happening so I want it to be done with before I try to set up an interview with a potential employer.

That, short of the boring details, is as much as I know right now, and now you know it too. So there.

I plan on keeping this thing up to date as soon as stuff happens so everyone is in the know all the time.

Wish me luck.

May. 19th, 2008

  • 7:53 AM

I used to use this thing a lot.
I used to find that keeping a journal, being able to write out what was going on, forcing myself to share everything with everyone, helped me out a lot.
I mean, I was an open book, man, anything you wanted to know about me was your business as much as mine, shit.
I had no secrets, really. None of my own, anyway.

I've felt, without pause, for the last six years, like my world has been just one step away from crashing down around me.

It always seems like I take one strong step in the right direction at a time, but my inability to take two or three ends up pushing me back just a litter farther than I started on a pretty regular basis.

I need to teach myself to run, apparently.

But I have no Idea what I'm doing. I never have. I literally and figuratively have no Idea what the first step is.

I mean, I look around me, and I just don't know why I can't seem to keep it together.

I keep having these nightmares. Really terrible ones. I can't sleep much anymore because every so often when I close my eyes I just get the image of someone I love screaming at me, begging me to tell them why, why did I do it? Why them? Why me? How could I do it? They don't stop screaming and they usually have black eyes or no eyes at all, just little voids of space where eyes should go. I've got this immense guilt on my shoulders all the time now, and I can't shake it, it seems. And I don't know what I've done wrong. Or what I was made to feel guilty for.

I had a dream about Matt last night. We were in an abandoned stone structure overgrown with vines and from a third person point of view I saw myself and him enter the room from opposite entrances. He approached me, he looked old for his age, worn, the kind of fucked up that you can only do to yourself when you want to forget who you are completely, and he cupped my face, gently at first, with both hands, looking warmly into my eyes, he began to tear up and he grabbed me more firmly by the skull. He started to bash his skull into mine, forehead to forehead, repeatedly yelling "WE! *bash* ARE! *bash* THE SAME! *bash*" He repeated this process for a minute, I struggled, but Matt's always been bigger than me so I just bled and passed out and he laid next to me crying, asking why for another moment before my third person view faded and I woke up somewhere I didn't want to be.

My dreams are starting to become more and more realistic, too. It's really unnerving.

Anyway, I'm going to go stare at the ceiling for a while. It makes more sense than this.

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